|Loss and Gain
||[Apr. 11th, 2005|08:28 pm]
I've been so distracted.|
Haven't done a thing about classes.
Angie's been mourning Colin and Jared and the baby.
We cuddle, but hardly talk.
I've been down to see Jake and Billy, and talk with Meg about whether to stay in nursing, or not.
I feel like I'm not doing anything, any good for anyone.
Meg says, That that feeling is post-traumatic stress reaction, and it's to be expected after the last several months.
Meg says, Take a moment for you. Go to the spa, have a massage. Take a class for yourself, not work, not upset and pain, just fun.
Meg says, Your boys will be all right I think in the long run. They love each other, I can tell.
I feel like I let them down.
Meg says, It's not like that, Liv. It's not all about pretty and making nice. You know that. It's about trying to hold back the worst of it, about being the rock that parts the flood waters and keeps the tree from being uprooted and swept away.
It's about buying time. We can't do much about the quality of the time, and damn little about the quantity of it. But we can say to Death, "Wait. You'll get your turn in the long run. Wait for now," and sometimes Death finds something else to do for a while.
That's a good point. Angie's alive. Orli's alive. Billy's alive, twice. I can still do my banana class...it's not like safe sex at camp depends on me, nothing I can do about that but pray. Shane's mental health pamphlets are slowly being picked up and I find them lying around other places...I can only assume that people are reading them.
A massage. A hot soak in mineral waters. Something to be said for that.
"How long--" I glance in the direction of the hotel again.
"Honey, they are on their own there, aren't they? Adam, would you get me some ice water dear? Thank you honey. Liv, they love each other. It's up to them to work it out. How is--Angie? right?"
"Sad. Quiet. I miss her."
"Then that's where you need to be looking, isn't it? Bring her down to town, go to the spa. I promise, you'll both feel better."
Will you come with me, Ang? Please? Talk to me?
And I'll set up classes as soon as I can...